


do you remember being my age?

by lonelyheartsclub_com



Category: Murder Most Unladylike Series - Robin Stevens
Genre: :), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29130300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyheartsclub_com/pseuds/lonelyheartsclub_com
Summary: hazel's worst fear is crushing her soul to bits and pieces.
Relationships: Alfred Cheng & Hazel Wong
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	do you remember being my age?

Hazel knocks on the door to Alfred's room, and she hears a swear of annoyance before the door swings open and there stands Alfred. He frowns, and he has a comical look of irritation on his face that softens when he looks down at Hazel. 

"Yes? It's late." he snaps, and Hazel's heart sinks. She was being a burden, she could tell. 

She frowns, and she opens her mouth to apologise when Alfred holds a hand up. "But I'll make an exception for you, since I'm such a kind person." he gestured for her to come in, and she flopped down onto the bed. Alfred picked her up and dropped her next to him. 

"What was that for?" she snaps, but she wasn't truly mad. He glares at her. 

"It's the middle of the night and I want to sleep. Spit it out." Alfred says, but he doesn't mean anything by it. She grinned, but then she remembered why she was so on edge in the first place and her smile fell. 

"Did you ever fear growing up when you were my age?" She really looked at him. He shuffled uncomfortably and looked her in the eye. Hazel wanted an answer. She dug her fingers into her hand, because what if she had pried too far? Alf didn't have the best childhood, she knew that-

"No. In fact, I was rather the opposite. Couldn't wait to be big enough to face the big, bad world on my own and prove my parents wrong." he laughed to himself and picked up a glass that was on his bedside drawer, pouring whiskey into it. He knocked back the drink and sighed.

"About what?" Hazel feared the answer that was coming.

"About being a useless disgrace that would be dead before 25." 

Hazel said nothing, but she could feel anger twisting the words in her throat, manipulating them into things she daren't say out loud.

She dug her nails into her skin further and she grimaced. 

"I'm sorry."

Alfred shrugged, and he finished another sip of his whiskey before going, "Hazel, darling, they're right. I don't care that they're right."

"But you're not a disgrace! And you won't be dead before-"

"Hazel. Here I am, I'm 19, and I'm rotting away in a place that doesn't even want me, and with every passing day, with every drink I knock back, I drink myself a little closer to death. They're right. God knows that hopefully I'll be dead before I even turn 20."

This time, it's sadness twisting her words. She can't speak, because all she wants to do is promise Alfred he can hold on. But she doesn't know what to say, and so she wraps her arms around Alfred's waist tight and lets herself cry. 

"I want you to be alive, and I want you to be happy."

Alfred laughs. "We do not want the same things, then. But why did you ask about how I was when I was your age?"

"I'm scared." Hazel says finally. 

"'Bout what? Spit it out." Alfred says, his words slurred and a bemused look on his pretty face.

"Growing up. I'll blink, and next thing you know, I'll be 34 with 3 kids."

He makes a face. "You want to have 3 kids by the time you're 34? I expected better from you." 

Hazel puts her face in her hands. 

"You want to have Alexander's kids-"

"Shut up." Hazel cuts him off, and he laughs and falls back into bed. 

"There's no need for you to be scared, Hazel. Just live in the moment, because what else really matters?" Alfred says. "I wish I had someone to tell me that, because as soon as I turned 16, I started lashing out as if I was an adult."

"But what if I die tomorrow?"

"I guess that's why you've got to live every day as if it's your last. Cheesy, but what else can you do? Just...make it a day that counts. Don't really know what else to tell you." He looks into Hazel's eyes, and Hazel can tell that this was really just advice he meant to give his younger self.

"Thank you, Cheng Zhi Xiang."

"You're very welcome, you know I love you very much. Platonically. Now, get out of my room, it's 2am and you know how much the white people like to irritate me by waking up early and making an unholy amount of noise." he snaps, clicking his fingers, and Hazel laughs, brushing her hair out of her face.

She hugs him once more for the road, and before leaving, she whispers, "I think you'll prove your parents wrong, Alfred. You're excellent."

She got no response, but she knew Alfred would appreciate it. She felt lighter, and she could breathe. 


End file.
